Parents are swamped with advice from the moment they announce their pregnancy to the world. Parents, in-laws, books, magazines, health care professionals, friends, the media and even strangers in the street! On top of that there is the ‘unspoken’ advice, the pressure from our society to conform to societal norms and to make sure we do it ‘the way it should be done’ or ‘the way everyone else does it’.
You can just imagine the conversation this stressed out Mama is having on the phone with her Mum right? “Is that the kids I can hear in the background? You really need to discipline them more you know…..”
What I am about to say is highly controversial, not scientifically proven, not backed by modern medicine and most of all probably not like other parenting advice you have received before………Wait for it……………..
If it feels right then it is right.
Yes I know, it is not rocket science, right? I think that parents, mums especially are losing touch with their gut, losing touch with their instincts. I believe this is happening because they are so confused about what is the ‘right’ way to parent their kids. Don’t lose your instincts Mamas and Papas!!!
So Instinctive Parenting. There is a little more to it than just doing what feels right in the moment. Doing what feels right in the moment can be led by heightened emotions, that is not the instinct we are talking about here. The instinct I am referring to is the one held deep in your gut, deep in your heart. It needs to be consciously accessed to find the truth that you need to help you make decisions about how you want to parent.
Okay, I hear you saying, Give me some examples Emma??
– Have you ever been really angry and given your child a smack and then felt terrible and guilty about it later? So the smack is the emotionally tainted auto response – your in the moment reaction. The feelings afterwards are your deeper instincts saying ‘Hey there, I am not sure that was okay’.
– Have you taken advice from a friend or even a professional about what or how to feed your baby or helping your toddler to sleep or how to discipline your child, only to feel uncomfortable about following through with the guidance? Were you able to sit with your partner or yourself and analyse those feelings and find a place that felt comfortable and right for your child, your family, or did you just do it anyway?
So you like the sound of this Instinctive parenting Gig? Here is what I would like you to try.
1. Sit down with your partner, co-parent or with your self and talk about/think about how you want to raise your child/ren. Don’t discuss what you have read or the advice you have been given by others, just look deep inside yourself and make a list of the things you are doing that feel right and the things that don’t feel so comfy.
2. During your day to day parenting, take notice of how things feel in the moment and how you feel about things when the moment has passed, are they the same or different?
3. Find ways to get in touch with your deeper instinct so you can communicate with that heart/gut part of yourself when you need to ‘check on how something feels for you’.
4. If you find there is something you really want to improve in your parenting and it feels right to do it but you are not sure how to get there, then you can seek out a professional, friend or even reading material that will help to answer your questions. Be careful about your choice of person or book, feel in to that too and let your gut help you decide.
5. IF IT DOESN’T FEEL RIGHT THEN IT PROBABLY ISN’T RIGHT FOR YOU, YOUR CHILD AND YOUR FAMILY.
I am so passionate about this Instinctive parenting stuff as I think it frees parents up to be the best version of themselves with their kids. To be confident and relaxed in their parenting choices and to seek help and guidance when they truly need it.
Want to know more? Here are 3 ways I can help
* Join the new Facebook group I have created ‘The Instinctive Parenting Tribe’ HERE
Hey! Grab the Free Parenting Course
For ZERO dollars!